Ever since Mai told me about Kam Han Szechuan House, I’ve been craving spicy crab hot pot. So for my sixth wedding anniversary, I told L and One Chubby Hamster that we were going out for Chinese style crab. For this post, let’s listen to “A Teenager in Love” by Dion and The Belmonts.
We ordered two extra spicy crabs ($45.99) with two orders of yam noodles ($3.99), wood ear mushrooms ($6.99), lotus root ($7.99), and Pan-Fried Pork Buns ($11.99). I ordered tea and L and One Chubby Hamster stuck to water. This is the first anniversary that I didn’t partake in a glass of bubbles.
The pot arrived with burners underneath, which kept our food boiling hot during the entire meal. We received plastic gloves, one crab cracker, and a bucket to throw our shells in.
The crab is battered, deep-fried and tossed in sauce. The best bite is the first one because that’s where most meat is with the least amount of work. You get a mouthful of deep-fried crab, coated in hot chili oil. The meat inside the shell is scantier.
One Chubby Hamster said the noodles were a good consistency – stretchy and soft. I love the squishy texture of the wood ear mushrooms, and how it crunched with the yam noodles. L enjoyed the delightfully crisp texture and mild flavour of the lotus root.
The vegetables and noodles took on the full flavour of the chili oil. The chili oil was fragrant and stung of fiery Sichuan peppercorns. I’d describe the sauce as violently spicy but insanely delicious with notes of garlic, shallots, peanuts and chilies.
The portion of crab with all the fixings is enough for four adults. While there isn’t much meat inside the crab legs or claws, it’s to be expected at this price.
One Chubby Hamster and L squirmed in their seat, occasionally tilting their head back in pain from the heat. I have a high tolerance for spice and even I was feeling it. My face felt hot and my mouth tingled from the oil.
I wouldn’t order the pan-fried pork buns again. The buns were crunchy on the outside and greasy. The bun itself was sweet and the pork mixture was bland and somewhat sparse compared to the proportion of the bun.
Dining at Kam Han is a messy affair. The oil seeped through our plastic gloves. L said this restaurant would not be a good first date place. I agree, and that’s why I picked this restaurant for our sixth year anniversary.
Thanks L for dinner and One Chubby Hamster for your delightful company. I’d return, but I would order mild spice instead and the dumplings instead of the pan-fried pork buns. Hitting the Sauce gives Kam Han one fat thumb up.
To celebrate L’s birthday, I took him to Vancouver. My parents picked us up at the airport. When we exited her car, I mentioned to Boss Lady that she drives like Mario in Mario Kart. She rolled her eyes and retorted, “I know where I’m going. People just need to get out of my way.” For this post, let’s listen to “Stacy’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne.
I wanted to eat at Chef’s Tony or Continental Seafood Restaurant but Boss Lady vetoed my suggestions. She wanted Shi-Art Chinese Cuisine because there is plenty of parking. I informed Boss Lady that if we ordered before 11:00 a.m., we would receive 20% off our bill. She looked unimpressed and said she didn’t care about the discount.
One of the best dishes we tried was the Mushroom and Scallop Congee ($12.99). The scallops were plump and soft. The mushrooms were mild in flavour and silky in texture.
The congee was simple and delicious, cooked to a thick smooth consistency, lightly seasoned with salt. I added white pepper because it gives the soup a prominent peppery zip.
My least favourite dish was the Steamed Shrimp Roll ($7.99). There was plenty of large shrimp in the roll, but the shrimp lacked a crunch to it. The noodles, even with the soy sauce, were bland.
I requested Beef Tendon Rice Rolls ($21.99). The beef was soft but parts of it were dry or fatty. L disagreed and said the beef was delicious. I enjoyed the rice rolls, which were seared on the edges with a noticeable charred wok hei aroma. The tendon was so gelatinous I didn’t have to chew. I prefer tendon with more of a chew to it.
My mother mentioned several times that the beef tendon wasn’t as good as the other variation she normally orders at Shi-Art, the Braised Beef Brisket and Beef Tendon in Noodles ($21.99). She wrinkled her nose and added that she’s glad she tried this version as I requested it, but her dish was better.
Our favourite dish was the Pan Fried Pumpkin with Spicy Salt ($12.99). Ludwig and Boss Lady mentioned this dish isn’t served at many Chinese restaurants. The pumpkin was lightly battered and crisp. Boss Lady enjoyed nibbling on the spicy seasoning of shrimp, fried garlic, green onions and hot peppers. I’d order this again.
The House Steamed Shrimp Dumplings ($7.39) were tasty. The wrapper was dry and not overly steamed. The shrimp itself was large and plump. Far better than what I can get in Calgary.
We all enjoyed the Preserved and Dried Meat on Chinese Donut Rice Rolls ($7.99). I liked the crunchiness of the deep-fried donut against the softness of the rice wrapper.
L and Ludwig raved about the Seafood E-Fu Noodle ($18.99). The noodles were piping hot and lightly sauced. The fish, prawns, scallops and squid were nicely cooked. I’d order this again.
Doug, who appeared to be the day time manager, was chatting up a storm with a customer sitting across from us. My mother interrupted his conversation to ask for some more tea. He didn’t like that one bit and he waved her away with his hand. He took a few steps away, reluctantly turned around and grabbed our tea pot. I saw him dawdle at the tea section and walked slowly back to our table. My father sat up erectly and politely thanked the Doug for the tea. I opened the lid to make sure there was no sign of tampering, like spit.
My mother was pissed. She said the manager is always rude to her and why is he always talking instead of working? I was surprised when ten minutes later, Boss Lady interrupted his conversation again to ask for the bill. Why didn’t she wave someone else over? Doug completely ignored her. Lucky for us, another server got us our bill. L jumped in and snatched the bill before my mother could pay. Our server was impressed. She said it’s rare that young men display such excellent manners. My parents both beamed with pride and chatted with our friendly server for a bit. Boss Lady asked L to ensure we received the 20% discount. With the discount, our bill was around $80.
L and I thought Shi-Art used a lot of MSG because we were both incredibly thirsty after eating there. L enjoyed the food. For the most part, the dishes were fresh, hot and tasty. I wouldn’t return. I want a dim sum experience without the theatrics. Perhaps the next visit, Boss Lady will permit me to pick the restaurant.
Boss Lady wanted L to experience push cart dim sum at Continental Seafood. I don’t like the cart system because the food sits around for who knows how long. Jacuzzi looked around the restaurant and proclaimed Continental not authentic enough. He likes dirty carpets, a dark and dingy atmosphere, and the room so crowded you have to put your elbows out to exit or enter, like the old Miramar in Kerrisdale.
Boss Lady asked our server why there were no spoons on any of the tables. He said for dim sum, spoons have to be requested. This was the first omen of the ensuing drama that would unfold.
Ludwig mentioned that I never post pictures of the menu on my blog and suggested that I start. I told him pictures of menus are boring and I hate it when people tell me what to write. Having said that, I’m glad I did take pictures to appease Ludwig otherwise I would not have been able to itemize each dish.
We started with Chinese tea ($9.45). Boss Lady complained that we were never asked what type of tea we wanted. He just brought out a teapot, without the customary hot water pot. For this post, let’s listen to “Dear Mama” by 2Pac.
Boss Lady approved of her favourite dish – Beef Chow Fun ($17.80). She said the portion size was generous. L could taste the smoky wok hei in the noodles. I found the noodles oily. I forgot to take a picture of the chow fun, so I stole this photo off Google. Patrick Smith (2018) takes worse pictures than I do!
Jen and Jacuzzi are vegan now, so they ordered Steamed Veggie Dumpling ($6.25). I was tempted to try a dumpling, but L said to leave it for the vegans and my father.
Boss Lady ordered her childhood dish – Steamed Pork and Peanut Dumpling in Chou Zhou Style ($6.25). The wrapper was soggy and broke when I picked the dumpling up with my chopsticks. Boss Lady said the chef put too much water in the dough. I felt the pork and peanut mixture itself was overly moist. She disagreed and said it was the wrapper that made the whole dumpling too wet.
Boss Lady told us the Steamed Scallop Pea Tip Rice Roll ($7.75) was for Jen. I took a bite and warned Jen there was scallop inside it. Jen thanked me. Boss Lady tells little lies. Poor Ludwig has been traumatized so many times. No wonder he’s hesitant to eat anything new.
I enjoyed the Shrimp Stuffed Tofu and Eggplant ($7.75). I thought this one of Continental’s better dishes. The tofu was crispy and the eggplant meaty and flavourful. The sauce tied all the ingredients together.
The Steamed Rice Roll with Chinese Doughnut ($7.75) was delicious. I like the crunch of the still warm, airy doughnut against the soft slippery noodle. The soy sauce gave this dish umami.
I enjoyed the Pea Tips ($22.80). The bright green pea tips were fresh and fragrant from garlic. I ate most of this plate, and the portion was huge.
Jacuzzi and L thought the Soy Sauce Rice Rolls ($7.25) were yummy. I liked the caramelization of the soy sauce but the noodles were too oily.
I didn’t try the Sui Mai ($7.25) but it looked better than Fisherman’s Terrace version. The tobiko was still bright orange and crunchy, and the meat filling looked juicy.
The Har Gow ($6.25) was good. The shrimp was sweet and crunchy. The wrapper was firm and not wet. My niece Har Gow Girl ate about five shrimp dumplings but wouldn’t eat the skin. Funny because her dad would only eat the skin and not the shrimp when he was her age. Narc, my older brother, would only eat the shrimp. I would eat both the wrapper and shrimp, but separately.
Boss Lady tried several times to get a few things – like more tea, hot water, and hot sauce. There was one server – an older male – that would blatantly ignore my mother, make a face, or say he would come back but disappear. It was obvious he was avoiding our table. Boss Lady was agitated and began complaining about the service and how rude he was to her. She mentioned again that the server didn’t even ask us what tea we wanted, which is a basic thing to do. Jacuzzi loves egging my mother on when she gets going. He started encouraging her by repeating everything she said.
Boss Lady said at least there wasn’t a ridiculous amount of tea leaves in the pot. She can’t stand it when there are so many tea leaves and the tea is too strong. She started talking about quality control and suddenly turned around to Jacuzzi and said, “Is there an echo in here? Why are you repeating everything I’m saying? I feel like I’m being recorded.” I looked over at my father, who sat with quiet resignation. L agreed with my mother and said the service was beyond rude. I wanted to leave. I don’t know if it was the MSG or what, but I was getting flashbacks of unhappier days.
Boss Lady asked for the bill. The female hostess told her to ask the young male server. When my mother told the young male server what the female hostess said, he shook his head and said that was her job.
Jacuzzi tried to pay for the bill but L was determined to win this battle. Boss Lady slipped the young server that helped her a cash tip, and told us to not give a generous tip. I was so annoyed by the whole experience that I told L to not tip. I have never not tipped but there’s a first time for everything.
When we left, I told my parents we were never coming to Continental again. They said in past experiences at dinner, the service was much better. I don’t care. I am not coming here again. Hitting the Sauce gives this joint two fat thumbs down.
Beep Beep wanted to have a drink at Bar 54. She mentioned the bar was overpriced and touristy, but she wanted to see the rooftop view of Chrysler Building and of lower Manhattan. We toasted to her birthday with an Aperol Spritzer ($26) and a Rosolio Spritz ($26). The spritzer tasted gross and reminded me of cough medicine. Pro-tip – stick to wine. We much preferred our glass of Rodney Strong Knights Valley ($19) over the cocktails. After midnight, we decided to call it a night.
We were about to enter the subway when a dirty looking man peeped through the gate and started babbling in a high-pitched baby voice: “Nooo? Yesss! Nooo? Yesss!” Before I could stop myself, I responded “Noooo.” Subway Guy looked excited and repeated “Yesss?” I sternly shook my head and said firmly “No!” Since we hadn’t entered through the gate, he assumed we were looking for another train. He said if we went up the stairs and to the left, the other train would be there. I didn’t like his eagerness and the fact he wanted to continue our ‘conversation’ so we pretended to exit. When I heard him take off, we returned to wait for our train. There was another guy there who there who half-heartedly muttered, “Noooo? Yesss!” We ignored him. For this post, let’s listen to Trouble by Pink.
A minute before our train arrived, Subway Guy came back and told his friend he couldn’t find us. I pulled my large black hood over my head. Beep Beep whispered, “Your disguise sucks. You are not fooling anyone.” She was right because Subway Guy spotted me and said something that is so obscene, I will not repeat it. I’ve already said too much. My father reads my blog. Knowing Ludwig, he will tell on me to my mother. I know I’m going to get a flurry of emails from Boss Lady telling me to quit creating drama and getting into trouble. Sorry ma, old habits die hard.
On the way home, Beep Beep really had to pee. She ran ahead and then would stop, crouch down with her knees pressed together and bellow “Nooo?” Then she turned around to face me and coo, “Yesss!” I doubled over with laughter and couldn’t breathe or walk until she stopped mimicking the Subway Guy. Omigod, we are so immature.
The next morning, Beep Beep woke me up at 6:30 a.m. so we would to make it to Ellen’s Stardust Diner by 7:00 a.m. Ellen’s is known for its singing wait staff. Beep Beep ordered the Smoked Salmon Plate ($20). The cook forgot to put the cream cheese on the bagel. Our server was absent so she ate her bagel without any cream cheese.
I wasn’t feeling well, so I ordered a ginger ale and a Fresh Fruit Cup ($9). I found the assortment of cantaloupe, honeydew, grapes and pineapple incredibly fresh and sweet. Beep Beep took a bite and said it was normal fruit, I was just hung over. I ordered a latte ($6.50) that tasted like it come out of a vending machine from the 90s. Beep Beep said I should have just drank her latte, because she didn’t like it either.
I enjoyed the confetti that fluttered down from the ceiling. Some of the wait staff differed in charisma, but I enjoyed listening to them sing. A staffer came come out and gave a long story about how hard the staff worked to both sing and bring your food, so donations for their singing classes would be appreciated. The suggested additional tip was $20 bucks.
Before we left for the airport, we stopped by Union Square Farmer’s Market, Little Italy and Chinatown. Beep Beep wanted us to try the Cheong Fun Cart. After using Google maps, I found it. Beep Beep asked a waiting customer if this was the famous Cheong Fun Cart. I knew the lady Beep Beep asked had no clue. I looked up the cart on Yelp to confirm the pictures of the cart and location. The lady said no, we needed to go to a cart that was ten minutes away. I told Beep Beep this was the right cart and showed her the matching pictures I found.
Beep Beep freaked out because there was only a small slit through the metal cart where the vendor’s face would pop out to ask you what you wanted. The elderly woman working there was tiny, and it looked like there was enough room for her and her husband. I requested two small cheong funs ($1.50), one with pork and the other with chicken and an egg (50 cents). I added green onions and requested no cilantro.
Oh my goodness. If you are into the texture and subtle flavours of Chinese dim sum, you’ll love these silky pools of noodles. The noodles are made fresh for you, and it was everything I was craving. Steaming hot, soft with little specks of meat and sauce to give it the right amount of savoury, salty flavour. Next time I’d omit the egg as I found texture of the yolk too dry. I would also add hot sauce. Since Beep Beep and I were sharing, I didn’t add any.
Cheong Fun Cart was one of our favourite eats in New York. When Beep Beep complained again about the work conditions, I informed her that the woman working in the cart was the owner, so it was her decision. If she wanted to unionize, she could. Besides, after only three days in the Big Apple, I too would want to be enclosed in a metal container to protect me from being spat on, hustled or spoken to in an indecent manner.
On the way to Café China, Beep Beep and I walked through High Line, a public park built on a historic freight rail line above the streets on Manhattan’s West Side. Still buzzing from the excitement of the morning’s revelation, we marveled at the odds of us being on Wendy’s show when she announced she is living in a sober house. For this post, let’s listen to to “The Message”by Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five.
Beep Beep picked Café China because of its Michelin star and it’s inexpensive. She doesn’t like spicy food so I had a feeling this wouldn’t be her favourite restaurant. Café China only takes reservations for parties of four or larger.
When we arrived, we put our name on the list. We waited about 20 minutes. Beep Beep was irritated because customers who showed up after us got in sooner. There is seating at the counter and the moment someone was finished, the other waiting customers would request to sit there. I need to be more aggressive in New York.
Once we were seated, service was prompt. We ordered cold herbal tea – Wong Lo Kat ($3), a detoxifying beverage. I found the tea too sweet but Beep Beep said it refreshing.
We picked two of the most popular dishes – the Braised Fish Filet with Tofu ($13) and the Spicy Cumin Lamb ($16). Beep Beep asked for no cilantro so I could eat the food. I should have asked for less spice, because Beep Beep found the food too fiery. Our lunch specials included white or brown rice and a choice of hot and sour soup or a spring roll.
The lamb was juicy and tender. The cumin seasoning was strong and rich from the spicy oil. I can handle my spice and I could feel my cheeks flushing from the heat. Poor Beep Beep was not enjoying her lunch.
The fish was soft and blended in with the crumbled pieces of tofu. I liked the the topping of peanuts, which gave the dish some needed texture. I didn’t find the fish hot at all but Beep Beep said it burned her mouth.
The piece of spearmint gum we received at the end of our meal was much appreciated. After eating most of the cumin lamb, my breath needed some help.
If you like spicy northern Chinese food, Cafe China is worth a visit. The ingredients were top notch and the food was more skillfully cooked than what I can get back in Calgary.
After our meal, we walked through the Upper East Side of Manhattan and then cut across Central Park to the Upper West Side to Milk Bar on Columbus.
Beep Beep wanted to try the crack cake at Milk Bar Bakery because she watched Christina Tosi on Chef’s Table. When the employee learned it was Beep Beep’s birthday, she gave her complimentary birthday truffles.
We took subway back to our hotel in Tribeca to change for the evening. Beep Beep told me how she loves taking the subway in New York because it’s convenient, cheap and gets you around the entire city. She even loves the dirty grittiness of the subway and the grinding noises of the trains on the track.
When we walked to our exit, I heard the sound of someone clearing their throat and then spitting. I felt droplets all over my hair. I turned around to see a tall homeless man with red eyes walking towards me, his arms extended and waving. Beep Beep pushed me forward and told me to keep walking.
Gee Beep Beep – you weren’t exaggerating when you said New York’s subway is gritty. In 2008, I surveyed residents and businesses in the Downtown Eastside, which includes the notorious East Hastings St. Not once did I feel threatened, nor did anyone spit or hustle money out of me. Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.
Hitting the Sauce 