My brother Five Stars was in town for two nights. I asked him to pick the restaurants because he never lets me forget if the food isn’t up to his standard. Twenty years ago, I chose an Italian restaurant for lunch in downtown Vancouver, and he still bitches about that meal. For this post, let’s listen to “Juice” by Lizzo.

Five Stars picked three places to try: Bar Chouette, Lonely Mouth and Hayden Block. Out of the three, he was most interested in Bar Chouette, as his favourite Calgary restaurant was Foreign Concept. He still remembers the pork belly baos and wanted to check out Duncan Ly’s latest venture.

Bar Chouette was packed on Friday night, so I’d definitely recommend making a reservation. Duncan Ly wasn’t there, but his brigade of all-male chefs was on point, firing off gorgeously plated food that tasted as good as it looked. Duncan has a knack for hiring the right chefs. I’ve never experienced a lacklustre meal at any of his restaurants. I stole a picture of the chefs from Instagram. Apparently, their names are Willow, Lawrence and Jeremy.

I requested a nice white wine and was given a glass of Villa Maria Sauvignon ($17). Five Stars enjoyed a non-alcoholic Corona ($9), and Chew Steel ordered a beer. My wine smelled tropical, and it wasn’t as brassy as most New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc, but it was clean and refreshing.

For food, we shared the Beef Tartare ($20), Squid Ink Spaghetti ($32) and Steak Frites ($52). We didn’t order much because Five Stars is on a diet, and Chew Steel is cutting back. Two mains and one appetizer were perfect for us because the mains were generously portioned.

The beef tartare was just fabulous. Light and airy, the tapioca cracker delivered a salty, slightly shellfish-like flavour. The tartare itself tasted like an insanely good chilled cheeseburger with a pop of mustard. I would get this again. Chew Steel thought it was one of the best tartares in the city.

I asked our server for something that would go well with the steak for my second glass of wine. Our server recommended Le Spinetta Nebbiola ($20), and oh boy, was this glass of red a winner! I would order this wine again; it was smooth, full-bodied, with a nice finish. Chew Steel thought the wines we tried at Bar Chouette were phenomenal.

The steak frites make for an ideal sharing platter. The steak looked like a 12-ounce striploin, nestled between a heaping salad and a mountain of triple-cooked potatoes. Five Stars complimented the nice sear and smoky char on the steak. The fries were hot and crispy, with a soft, mealy interior. Some of the wedges on the bottom of the plate were soaked in that decadent peppercorn sauce, making for some blissful bites. I liked the bitterness from the greens and the citrusy salad dressing, which helped cut through the richness of the gravy.

The squid ink spaghetti was a standout. There was such a generous amount of clams, octopus, and prawns. The noodles had a silky texture, packing heat from the creamy panang curry that clung perfectly to them. The crunch from the sweet peas and the aroma of the fresh dill rounded out the spice in this dish. The squid ink pasta is one of my favourite dishes in the city.

The table next to us was lively. A group of six women, maybe ten to 15 years older than me, were there before us. As we finished our meal, they were still surrounded by bottles of wine and an endless stream of plates. At one point, I heard them laughing hysterically about an incident in the washroom. I turned to Chew Steel and said I hope that will be me in the future.

The next morning, Five Stars and I walked to Lonely Mouth for lunch. My office gave me a Concorde birthday gift certificate, and it’s been burning a fat hole in my wallet ever since. We decided on Lonely Mouth because Five Stars used Chatgpt to pick a restaurant based on his desire for snacky and salty food.

He’s even gone as far as consulting Chatgpt to figure out why I won’t just trash a restaurant. Five Stars has been bugging me non-stop to be blunter in my blog. He wants it all, the good, the bad, and the overcooked. Apparently, my writing style really gets under his skin. He asked Chatgpt why I won’t just say it like it is. Chatgpt didn’t nail it.

Five Stars ordered a house-made lemon soda ($5), and since I wanted to make the most of the long weekend, I indulged in a noontime Suntory Toki Whisky ($17). I enjoyed this drink the last time I ordered it, but this round fell flat. The soda lacked its usual super fizz and was missing that lemony spritz I remembered.

We shared the bluefin tuna tartare ($20) and the chicken wings ($18). Five Star’s eyes popped open when he took his first bite. He said this dish hits the mark perfectly, with the salty crunch from the udon crackers and the creamy texture from the bluefin tuna, avocado, and miso sauce. The crackers tasted like they were cooked in old oil, and I noticed the tuna filling seemed sparse. Proportionally, there was way more cracker than tartare.

The chicken wings were impressive. The wings were so hot that they scalded my greedy piano-like fingers. As we ate, the juice would squirt across the table. The batter is light and melts on your tongue, while the yuzu sauce is bright and lemony. The flats were slightly above the size of pub wings, but the drums were full of massive, juicy meat. The batter-to-meat ratio was insane.

We shopped along 17th, and I decided to walk home. Despite being younger and at an optimal weight, Five Stars could barely make it. He puffed, pouted, and threatened to call an Uber every few blocks. I carried all the gifts he bought for his wife and kid, and even offered to carry his extra clothes because he was too hot. I persuaded him to continue walking to make space for dinner at Hayden Block.

I’d initially planned to take Five Stars to Pure Saigonese, but he was craving BBQ. He brought up our last visit to Hayden Block and wanted to return, saying he can’t get decent barbecue back in BC.

We ordered the beef brisket ($20), beef rib ($38), broccoli salad ($7), corn and bacon on the cob ($7), cornbread ($2), and a round of beers. Oh my gosh—somehow, the food keeps improving every time we come. Every dish was absolutely delicious.

The brisket arrived in two well-marbled slabs. The meat was melt-in-your-mouth tender, with a natural smoky sweetness that didn’t need much besides a little sauce. We leaned into the house BBQ sauce, which brought a tangy, vinegary kick. Chew Steel thought he could taste a hint of cumin in the sauce.

I always get the cornbread. Soft and crumbly, I love that grainy texture against the smoothness of the butter. The corn on the cob was just right: hot, firm, and sweet, wrapped in a crispy layer of bacon that added a salty crunch to every bite. This side is also a winner.

The broccoli salad is always a hit. The dressing was sweet but balanced, and not soggy or oversaturated, unlike salads that sit too long. It brought a fresh, wholesome contrast to all the meat, and the pickles added a sharp acidity that helped cut into the meats.

Then there was the beef rib, the showstopper. The bone alone was nearly the size of a foot-long sub. The rib this time around was less fatty than our last visit, but still moist. We gave it our best shot, but still left with half the rib to take home.

The next morning, I planned on taking Five Stars to Pfanntastic Pannenkoek Haus, but we were feasted out. He’s coming back in May, so we can add Pfanntastic Pannenkoek Haus and Pure Sagionese Kitchen to the list.

When he returned home to BC, Five Stars texted that he had suffered from shin splints, likely due to all the walking. He also weighed himself and still lost weight from our weekend of gluttony. I think he burns so many calories running that mouth of his. In any case, this long weekend was a food-filled hit!